Season 2 – epiBLOG 17:
OCTOBER THEME – “FEAR”
(FYI… THERE ARE NO SPECIFIC SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG)
This is the last “scary” blog for October, as today is the final Tuesday of the month! There are so many fears to discuss, but out of respect for the terrible loss that The Walking Dead fans experienced this past Sunday and out of my love for the show, I decided to make this blog’s topic the fear of loss.
Don’t worry, I won’t be announcing any revealing or devastating news to those who still need to watch Season 7 Episode 1, and please don’t make comments on the blog regarding spoilers on The Walking Dead in order to not ruin it for others. And those of you who are not fans of the show at all, this blog is NOT about The Walking Dead. Thinking about the show simply helped me to look from within so that I can write a blog that I feel artists need to read.
Losing anything, with maybe the exception of weight, tends to never feel like a good thing. We lose car keys, cash left in our pockets, and sometimes our minds when our hearts are broken. Maybe we are estranged from someone whom we love, or perhaps we lose someone because they passed away. Regardless, loss tends to never feel good. We tend to equate loss with pain, rejection, defeat or consequences. And oftentimes, those feelings are understandable and those fears are justifiable.
But what happens when we are holding onto something that is not in our best interest that we should actually TRY to lose? What do I mean by this? Have you ever hung out with friends that were doing things that you didn’t agree with, but because you wanted to be connected within a group that made you feel accepted and loved, you continued to hang around them anyway? Of course, this scenario tends to happen to teenagers in high school, but some of you may have attempted to advance your careers by associating with people who you know are phony or doing things that are unethical. Nevertheless, you continue to associate with them because they can possibly get you that next promotion, a better job, the seed money for your project, the connection with that “big account.” SOME adults do exactly what teenagers do; it just appears to look differently on the surface.
We hold onto toxic relationships and friendships because we are afraid to LOSE them out of fear of being alone, or for fear of looking lonely in the eyes of others. We hold onto behavior like procrastinating, not setting goals, and not continuing to learn and really hone in on our crafts as artists because we are afraid to lose the additional resources (our money) and/or time that we spend on activities that are not even productive or conducive to the successful life that we desire.
The fear of losing something may just be the very fear that is holding you back from getting you exactly what you want. Some say that they want to be a successful actor, musician, or writer, but how often are they attending workshops in their respective careers? If you’re an actor, how often do you audition for roles? If you’re a musician, are you taking voice lessons to improve? If you’re a writer, do you write with a consistent schedule that you’ve created and adhere to or are you simply writing whenever you’re in the mood often camouflaged with the excuse of needing to be inspired? LOSING habits and people that block you from reaching your goals are great things. However, as with every lost, pain is part of the process.
Before you get frantic and start deleting people out of your contact list in your phones, you don’t want to get rid of individuals in your life that you simply disagree with or have differences with. Each of us is unique and need to respect the differences in others. But all relationships that you have in your life should be feeding you in a positive way, as well as you feeding them in a positive way. Remember, all relationships and friendships should be win-win, never one-sided. If you’re finding that you have a relationship or a friendship that makes you feel bad about who you are, makes you feel like you need to stifle who you are, or makes you stifle your ambitions, have a chat with the individuals within those relationships/friendships, and let them know how you feel. Tell them what you need and what you’re willing to give. If you guys can’t agree upon a solution, then maybe you need to make the best decision that will serve your greater purpose – whatever that may be for you… as long as it’s ethical and legal.
Losing habits that have been part of our lives for such a long time, may at first feel like a challenge to get rid of. According to Jack Canfield, the author of The Success Principles, it takes a consistent 30 uninterrupted days of performing a new task in order for it to become a habit. This can include something as simple as creating your schedule the night before if you’re self-employed or committing to reading 15 minutes a day out of a self-help or financial book. Unproductive habits can be replaced with productive ones that help you to get where you want to be.
Today’s LESSON is to surround yourself with awesome people and create habits in your life that are conducive to your purpose and dreams.
FUN ASSIGNMENT: Choose two “bad” habits that you know are stopping you from experiencing the success that you’re looking for within your career. Choose alternative habits to replace those 2 “bad” habits with those that are more conducive to the success that you’re seeking. For example, let’s say that one of your habits is procrastinating with the timing of writing down who you have appointments with. You end up committing to meetings, trying to remember the meetings and times later, and most of the time you simply forget to write it down or to place the appointment time in the event calendar in your cell. Maybe this has caused you to either miss appointments altogether or to meet with the wrong people at the wrong time. A habit to replace this procrastinating behavior, is to immediately (while making the appointment) pull your cell out and place the appointment time and individual into your event calendar OR carry around a small planner with you wherever you go, and force yourself to write down appointments until it becomes a habit that you no longer have to think about. Remember, create at least 2 news habits in order to experience more success in your life. Commit to them and make them happen!